When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep

When your life turns into a one big dilemma and when questions in your head keep spinning around and around almost making you feel dizzy you can easily find yourself spending a sleepless Saturday night as I do right now.

I truly believe that questioning your choices that you’ve made earlier on in your life is probably the hardest bit of being a grown up, if I can call that myself, after all I am still only a twenty year old. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better of by listening to my parents, by asking for their advice and carrying about their opinions. We all say that the best part of being young and carefree is the drive and passion for the things that one wants to perceive. But when it comes to the so unwanted reality check are we willing to take the punishment for the wrong turns we took in life? And after all what if that drive or passion evaporates as soon as you bump into a rock?

Sometimes I wonder whether I expect too much from life at this particular stage or whether I just haven’t made enough out of it to celebrate it in a way I’d like to. I am still a student doing my BA course with two more years to go and from what I’ve heard my life should be surrounded by the books and my food agenda should only include toasts with beans. But as a fashion student I have always imagined even my university days to be much more fabulous: sample sale shopping of the high-end designers, new exhibition openings and the ever biggest sales splurges in the three biggest department stores. I know that for all that you have to earn first but it’s not like I am not earning anything. I have a full-time job to support myself throughout the summer in an almost high-end english retailer but somehow this is not even close to enough.

I really cannot even guess what’s up with me whether I am disappointed at myself, my choices or whether I am just jealous for all the rich and fabulous twenty year olds out there but somehow not even the purest 100% silk scarf from Alexander McQueen can pull me out of my misery.

(Not that long after this post has been published the writer has returned the A. McQueen scarf and happily accepted the cash in return.)